Have a happy weekend!

Few men understand how painful sex can be for some women. This isn’t pain from sex that’s rushed or rough. Instead, think of when a Q-tip is pressed against a woman’s genitals and it causes her to flinch in pain. Or when intercourse with a gentle lover creates an intense burning sensation in her vagina or makes her feel like she’s being stabbed with a knife. Or when the muscles around the opening of her vagina are clamped so tight she can’t insert a tampon.

Fortunately, for plenty of women with sexual pain, it’s not this severe. But it still makes sex something they endure rather than enjoy.

Many of us assume there are two times in life when sex hurts for women: their first time and after menopause. We don’t realize that more than 20% of women in their teens, twenties, thirties and beyond can experience pain during sex, and not just once or twice. Chronic sexual pain that can last for months or years. (more…)

Feeling Testy? Try Having a Bite To Eat First

People who are hungry tend to be crankier, or more disposed to speaking with “that tone” which they think is perfectly reasonable but somehow manages to piss off everyone around them.

So if you feel a fight is coming on, or you need to do something together that neither of you wants to do such as cleaning out the garage, organizing the closet-from-hell, or doing your taxes, try having a snack first, and not something sugary that will just cause your glucose to spike and crash.

But not even the most nutritious of snacks is going to prevent a partner from going nuclear when he or she discovers the latest pics you’ve been exchanging with your ex.

Based on studies of 15,521 penises, the average length of an erect penis is about 5.25 to 5.5 inches. This means a penis that is 7 inches when erect is in the upper 97th percentile (out of 100 men, it would be among the longest 3 to 5). The average circumference is 4.5 inches.

Most guys who are in porn or who upload videos of themselves to sites like XHamster have the largest 1% to 5% of all penises both in length and circumference.

As for the age-old question of “briefs, boxers, or boxer briefs?” no one knows if men have a preference for one or the other based on penis size.

For the latest and greatest penis-size study from the British Journal of Urology, click here.


Some of the most important residents inside a woman’s vagina are bacteria called Lactobacilli. They clasp onto the walls of the vagina to prevent harmful bacteria from attaching.

Lactobacilli also produce hydrogen peroxide and lactic acid that kill undesirable bacteria and help maintain the acidic environment that’s important for healthy functioning.

Since lactobacilli are found in yogurt, some women assume that eating yogurt or plastering it between their legs will help with vaginal infections. Unfortunately, the lactobacilli in the yogurt we eat is very specific to cow intestines. It’s not the kind of lactobacilli the vagina needs. So while yogurt might be good for a woman’s calcium intake and maybe her digestion, it is unlikely to help with problems in her vagina.

Researchers are hoping to find microorganisms (aka “probiotics”) for conditions like bacterial vaginosis. This would provide a much more elegant solution than we currently have for treatment.

Guys Describe the Difference Between Morning Wood and Their “Hot for You” Erections

Men’s early morning erections can be confusing for female partners, because most women assume that erections are the result of sexual arousal. Not always…

Men get erections throughout the night when they enter REM sleep. When a guy wakes up in the morning, he is often waking from REM or dream sleep. This is why he has an erection–it doesn’t matter if he’s dreaming about being chased by wolves or about having sex with the love of his life.

REM erections are triggered by a different part of the brain than the erections a man has when he is awake and feeling aroused. As a result, they often feel different than daytime erections.

Here’s how men on our sex survey describe the difference between their early-morning (waking) erections and the erections they get when they are sexually aroused, and as you’ll see, there’s a lot of variation:

“Morning erections almost never feel sexy. More like ‘in the way’. Even if I have sex in the morning with a pre-existing erection, I still need to get some emotion into it.”

“Oddly enough, my morning erections are WAY harder and more persistent than my arousal erections. I have no idea why, but it basically always results in me giving in and beating the devil out of it or having sex if my partner is so gracious and willing in the morning.”

“Morning wood is different ’cause when I’m aroused I wanna ejaculate.”

“Morning erections are different—more of a nuisance. Unwanted morning boners are almost a buzzkill since you know they are not leading to anything.”

“Real arousal will always result in a much harder erection than the ones I have when I wake.”

“Different. Morning wood feels much more intense than regular arousal, and my penis is much more sensitive as well.”

“Arousal erections feel like total erections; they are much more firm than morning erections.”

“Erections when aroused seem to be the source of an indescribable feeling that causes me to act. I can almost feel arousal in my gut (if that makes sense). Morning wood doesn’t have that. Morning erections aren’t typically accompanied by a sense of drive.”

“Different. Morning erections are slightly uncomfortable and I am usually not aroused initially. An erection when I am aroused is only uncomfortable because I feel like I need relief, but in a good way.”

“Morning erections are a lot harder. I think too much when I’m flirting or getting aroused so erections that come when I’m turned on are not crazy hard.”

“The erections I get from feeling aroused are stronger and firmer, sometimes even slightly painful, while a morning erection can sometimes go unnoticed at first. Morning erections are rarely sexual for me, and it is not often that I feel compelled to do something about them.”

“My morning erections are sometimes harder to the point of pain, and are a lot less sensitive.”

“In the morning they tend to be softer and more relaxed but very sensitive.” (more…)

Sex in real life is different from sex in porn in so many ways… It’s not nearly as extreme or frantic and it’s usually way more intimate. Yet porn is the way many of us learn about sex.

Image via Bratty-Kitty.tumblr.com


Delayed Ejaculation is when a guy can get a rock-hard erection and have intercourse for a really long time, but can’t ejaculate or he struggles to ejaculate. It doesn’t matter if he’s having oral, vaginal, or anal sex, or if his partner is giving him a handjob — either he can’t ejaculate or it can take him close to forever to come. Or maybe he can come by masturbating in a certain way, but not with a partner. The problem is not in getting an erection and keeping an erection; rather it’s with having an orgasm and ejaculation.

For a free copy of the chapter “Delayed Ejaculation” from the Guide To Getting It On, click here: Delayed Ejaculation from Guide To Getting It On

The mons pubis is a fleshy mound of tissue that sits on top of the pubic bone. It is made up of fat and is usually covered by pubic hair, unless a woman shaves.

The tissue inside the mons is sensitive to estrogen. So when a woman goes through puberty, the added estrogen turns the mons into a mound. The mons pushes the upper part of the larger labia out and forms the pudendal cleft, which is the top part what some people call “the camel toe.” Some women’s mons are very prominent, others do not protrude as much.

Some women push or pull on the mons with their fingertips or make a circular motion with the mons when they masturbate. The suspensory ligament of the clitoris has its base in the mons and the neck of the clitoris runs through part of it, so moving the mons might result in increased sensation. A woman might enjoy it if her partner does this.

Some women like the feeling when a partner tugs on the pubic hair that grows from the mons.

Too many people expect a man to magically know how to please a woman. That’s not possible, because each woman is different.

It can especially be a problem when partners don’t tell each other what feels good and what doesn’t. Based on this woman’s expression (and on the sounds she’s probably making) it is impossible to know if she’s in ecstasy or agony. Don’t expect your partner to automatically know, particularly when a partner is new.

If you don’t feel comfortable saying “That hurts,” or you’re thinking “Not again!” then be sure to praise the things your partner does that do feel good. Hopefully, he’ll learn that if you don’t say “That feels so good!” then it probably doesn’t feel so good.

Dude from the side with an X-ray cutaway:

Ductus Deferens (aka “vas deferens”): Carries sperm from the testicles into the part of the urethra that passes through the prostate gland. That’s where the sperm mixes with the fluid from the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland to create semen that shoots out during a male ejaculation.

Seminal Vesicles: Semen factories that produce more than 60% of each ejaculation.

Prostate Gland: Multipurpose male reproductive factory that produces more than 30% of each ejaculation, plus so much more!

Corpus Cavernosum: The part of the penis that continues into the pelvis and anchors the penis under the pubic bone so guys can’t pull it off when they are jerking off. Consists of two chambers that become rigid and hard during an erection.

If you are having casual sex, a woman is way more likely to think you are a better lover if you wear a condom.

But if you’re in a relationship and the condom is just for pregnancy prevention, talk to your partner about getting an IUD. It can be a much more effective, satisfying and hassle-free way to go.

Discussing birth control is just as much a man’s responsibility as it is a woman’s. So is paying for it.

Hi Dr. Paul,

I’m a writer from a major women’s magazine. I’d love to interview you for a story to ask if there’s any evidence pointing to how many orgasms a woman is able to have, whether there’s a “limit,” and how women can achieve orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Are you interested?


Hi M,

Thanks for thinking of me for your article.

Here’s the problem—I deal with real people who have real sex lives. You deal with editors who want sensational articles in order to sell magazines.

The idea of “orgasm after orgasm after orgasm” sounds bizarre to me. It’s just one more burden we are placing on women to act like porn stars.

What matters is whether the sex is satisfying for a woman and her partner—not the number of orgasms. Whether it’s one orgasm or none, the important thing is the quality of the sex and if it’s achieving what a woman wants for herself and for her relationship, if she’s in a relationship.

So I’m thinking I’m not the person who’s going to make your article shine, or put a smile on your editors’ faces!


Most women masturbate with their fingers directly on the hood or glans of the clitoris. But some women prefer to masturbate with their fingers over their underwear. Is this because their clitoris is too sensitive for direct touch, or do they simply do it by habit?

There is no research to provide an answer. It’s perfectly fine however you or your partner does it.

For a more complete look at the clitoris, here’s our video on the clitoris!

Our New Clitoris Video

There is so much more to the clitoris than most people know. See how different any two women’s clitorises can be, both in size and sensitivity, and learn things about the clitoris that should be taught in school but aren’t.

Here’s the link to watch it on our YouTube Channel: The Clitoris on YouTube

Don’t like to swallow?

Or your partner’s penis is so big you risk dislocating your jaw when giving him oral sex?

Never fear. You can do a modified blow job that feels so good a lot of guys won’t be able to tell you aren’t swallowing unless they are actually looking. The trick is to focus your lip action on the sensitive frenulum area while cradling the penis with your hand. This area is just beneath the head of the penis. Use lots of saliva and put plenty of tongue into it—almost like you are French kissing this part of his penis. Occasionally fill your hand with your hot steamy breath.

Thanks to Jay Wiseman for originally listing this technique in his excellent Sex Tips books.

Whenever the causes of vaginal irritation are listed, taking a bath with soap suds is almost always mentioned. But it’s difficult to find actual science to justify these warnings.

Can a teaspoon of soap-suds concentrate change the pH of 40 to 70 gallons of water enough to cause vaginal irritation? Can the scent be an irritant when it’s diluted that much?

And if baths do cause vaginal irritation, is the culprit the studs or the bacteria in the bathtub? (Just because your bathtub might look clean doesn’t mean it isn’t harboring wicked colonies of bacteria.)

We’ve thrown this one to our medical experts, and will post their answers.

Stay tuned!

Double-fisted angst is the worst kind!

Relationships require more time and effort than we often give them.


Our New Kissing Video

From French Kissing to boys’ questions about getting erections when making out, this video is a fun and helpful guide to getting to first base.

It’s also a good conversation starter for couples, especially when your partner’s technique might not be the greatest.

One of the best ways to get a condom that’s right for you and your partner is to try sampler packs. Find a brand that works well for both of you, and stock up. Here’s the most extensive list of links for condom sampler packs on the planet: (more…)

Alex Minsky wanted to be a marine, not a male underwear model. A roadside bomb in Afghanistan changed that–along with 47 days in a coma and having to relearn to walk and talk. For the rest of the story, click here.

From our sex survey:

“Masturbating. Cos there’s no partner in crime to laugh about it with later.”

“Masturbating – there’s a level of cover when you’re with someone else.”

“Masturbating. It’s such a personal experience… Sex is talked about more, it’s more accepted socially.”

“If either of my parents walked in on either of these activities, it would be pretty mortifying.”


From one of our male survey takers:

“The least amount of time I give a woman oral sex is 30 to 45 minutes. The key is to make her as comfortable as possible and be able to sense her reaction to what you are doing…  Most women don’t start to relax and go into a stage of comfort until about 10 to 15 min. into it. It also depends on the amount of build-up and the relationship you have.”


© 2015 2014 by Paul Joannides, Psy.D.

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