I’m installing a new WordPress Theme. The posts might look strange until I get the kinks out.

I’m experimenting with a theme that allows “Lazy Loading” which means the images at the top of the page load first and there won’t be any waiting time.

My heartfelt sadness for the victims and their families in Roseburg, Oregon.

On Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets Live, someone Tweeted “Halle Barrie’s boobs are lopsided.” She responded (3:38) “Well, when they’re real, that happens!”

She’s absolutely right.

Image of Halle Berrie on Jimmy Kimmel's "Mean Tweets Live"

Hope they remembered bug spray and sun screen. (As a sex educator, I’m supposed to say ‘condoms’ instead of bug spray and sun screen, but this group looks like it’s got the birth control thing down.)

Now featuring a new Nice posting every day.

Loving couple having fun sitting on railroad tracks (she on his lap) with the tracks going for miles in the background and the caption "Nice Tracks."

Apuleius, author of The Golden Ass, would be high-fiving this couple if he could rise from his 2nd Century grave.

Here in the United States, fanatics work hard to have some of our most beloved classics banned. Never take for granted the freedoms we have. They are more fragile than you might think.

Banned Book Lists from GoodReads.

Banned Books That Shaped America

With thanks to Slide-2-Unlock.co.uk for this wonderful image.

Dr. Paul,

When a woman has a baby, does her clitoris get all smashed up?


Really? Smashed up? If that were the case, few women would have ever had more than one child.

While there is no place for the clitoris to run and hide during childbirth, it is not in the direct line of fire. But the vagina most certainly is. And the poor cervix–we’re talking a bowling ball through a straw.

If you are worried about the future of your sex life, the part of the vagina to be concerned about is the floor or bottom. This is where the vagina stretches during intercourse and childbirth, not that the two should ever feel the same.


Labia 101 (The Inner Lips or Labia Minora)

When a woman is sexually aroused, her labia minora can swell like the head of a penis does. You may not notice it because they are much thinner to begin with.

Her inner lips also have nerve endings like the head of the penis. Her partner might try to gently tug on them or massage them with oil—as long as she provides plenty of feedback.

Thanks to the NakedUs Tumblr for this exceptional image. This is an erotic photography site that couples might enjoy.

It doesn’t mean she likes what you are doing just because her nipples are hard.

Nipples can become erect or feel hard for different reasons, not all good.

So never hesitate to ask a lover if what you are doing feels nice. Sometimes, just making a small adjustment can turn “Ouch!” into “Amazing!”

Every guy in the country will be doing himself and his partner(s) a huge favor if he reads and takes to heart the new Consent chapter from the Guide To Getting It On.

Click here for a FREE version of the Consent Chapter that is located on our sister website for students who are assigned The Guide in their college sex-ed courses.

This image is from the very erotic photography Tumblr Hemail.tumblr.com

What better use of a penis than this?

Visit our NICE! page for more.

Dr. Paul,

For my dissertation, I’m looking for insights on whether there has been a heightened interest in sexuality and sex-related information during the past 5 years vs the past 30 years? I’d love to hear what you think?

H from Europe

Hi H,

I don’t think there’s been a change in the level of interest about sex, although young people often feel they are more sexual and more interested in sex than their parents or grandparents were.

What has changed dramatically are the delivery systems for information in general. Information is far more image-based now than it’s ever been at any time during our history. Massive changes in digital technology—especially the cameras on our phones–have changed how we communicate. So the change is not in the level of interest about sex, but in how that interest is explored and expressed.

This is particularly important when you consider that the brain processes information from images differently than it does information that is spoken or written in words.

Today, the average 8 to 10 year old has easy access to highly explicit images about sex. We don’t know what the long term effects of this are going to be. It’s still an experiment in the making. How does the mind of an 8- to 10-year old process close-up videos of people having sex? Will this impact the kind of sexual fantasies and desires he or she has as an adult?

A colleague who uses my book in her college sex-ed course recently said that she’s never seen a generation of young adults who are so misinformed about sex. That’s fascinating when you consider that we’ve never had a generation of young adults with such easy and complete access to porn from such an early age.

Is the misinformation about sex because young minds assume that porn is how people really have sex (no kissing, no tenderness, no talking)? Is it due to the distortions about sex from Abstinence-Only sex education? Is it from all of the blogs, forums and sex-related sites that appear to be supplying credible information about sex but aren’t? (I suspect there is more misinformation about sex on Reddit than in the entire history of the universe combined–as well as credible information. How can a person tell which is which?)

I wish I had answers, but I don’t. We’ll just have to wait and see.


I also published this on my blog at Psychology Today.

Dear Paul,

My new boyfriend is wonderful and I really want to have sex with him. But he’s huge—porn sized and then some. I’m only 5’ 2” and worried he won’t fit.  I’ve had intercourse with other guys, with no problem, but he’s way bigger. Do you have any advice?


Dear Bambi,

Yes, I have advice.

One of the dumbest things that people tell women with partners who are really big is “a baby can pass through there…” Seriously? Have you ever heard a woman in labor who’s trying to push a baby out? Intercourse isn’t supposed to be like that.

As for your size, I’m not so sure that’s a determining factor. I interviewed a woman who is as petite as can be. Her husband’s penis is in the 98th percentile for size, and she’s never had any problem with intercourse. But another woman who is 5′ 10″ might have trouble with a penis in the 50th percentile. So you can’t predict.

Size aside, I am assuming you have had a recent gynecological exam and have discussed this matter with your healthcare provider. If there is a source of pain that is independent of your partner’s penis, it is essential you resolve it first.

For starters, I would suggest you and Thor call it quits on any attempts at intercourse for the next month or two. There are lots of ways you can please each other sexually besides intercourse. (more…)

The Scrotum and Labia Majora Have More in Common Than You Might Think

If you look at a guy’s scrotum, you’ll see a line or seam in the center that runs from the bottom to the top. This is called the scrotal raphe. It’s where nature zipped up the tissue that would have formed the labia majora (outer lips) if the fetus had been a girl.

In the first weeks after conception, there is no scrotum or labia majora. There is simply tissue called the labioscrotal swellings.

Then, at around 11 weeks after conception, the labioscrotal swellings in a male begin to fuse together to form the scrotum. In a female, the labioscrotal swellings remain unfused and they form the labia majora or outer lips of women’s genitals.

After it is created, the scrotum in the male fetus sits empty for most of the pregnancy. That’s because the testicles are formed in the abdomen. They don’t begin to leave the abdomen until month 6, and they don’t reach their final position in the scrotum until the end of month 8.

Contrary to how it might seem, the testicles don’t drop into the scrotum like marbles into a sack. Instead, they are suspended by the spermatic cords. So if a man were to lose his scrotum, his testicles would not fall to the floor. They would still be held in place by the spermatic cord.

The seam or raphe that runs up the penis make look like it’s the same as the scrotal raphe, but it’s not. Take a close look at the zipper in the illustration above. It starts to zip below the clitoris. That’s because the tissue that forms the clitoris, clitoris hood and labia minora are what nature uses to make the penis. Embryologically, the scrotum starts below that tissue.

Your partner might be one of those rare women who can’t have enough dick pics filling the display of her phone. But for most women, a little thought and creativity will go a long way when sexting.

So if you know how to use Photoshop or any other graphics program, put your skills to use the next time you feel like sexting–like this guy did. A little less dick and more humor or romance are definitely the way to go, unless she tells you otherwise.

This image is from the amazingly creative collection at Dervish Whirling via the Two Horny Guys website.

Back To School Supplies? 

Here’s an extensive list of condom sampler-pack links because couples need to try different styles and brands to find the one that feels best for them.

And here’s a free chapter with tips for making condoms more fun and sexy: Condoms—For the Ride of Your Life.

If pregnancy is a concern, talk to your healthcare provider about getting an IUD. While condoms are great for preventing awful diseases like HIV, they aren’t the best for birth control.

Let’s stop kidding ourselves that men are the only ones who don’t like the way condoms feel.

Condoms are VERY important if you are not in a true-blue, we-don’t-fuck-around relationship. It’s not worth getting a horrible disease like HIV because you don’t like the feel of condoms. That said…

Few men would use condoms if there were an acceptable alternative. That’s because most men don’t like using condoms and they aren’t shy about saying so. But we never think to ask women if they like the way condoms feel.

So imagine my surprise at the groundswell of complaints we’ve received from women when we started asking the following question on our sex survey: “Do condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?”

We’ve read hundreds of complaints from women about condoms. Here are fifteen of them. Remember, these are comments from women, not men:

“I feel like I’ve tried just about every type of condom there is and they all limit sensation to one extent or another.”

“We now use the Nuvaring for birth control. But when we have used condoms, the sensation is much less sensitive, and I feel like there’s saran wrap between us. It simply doesn’t feel as good as skin on skin.”

“Condoms feel less intimate. I love the way the smooth, hard penis skin feels against my skin, but I can’t feel that with a condom. We use them anyway, though, because I don’t like the pill, and the intercourse still feels good.”

“I hate using condoms. It feels like he’s wrapped his penis in plastic wrap. The sensation is not as pleasurable for me, and I find that my vagina aches more afterwards.”


Look at my dangling tampon… You are becoming very sleepy!

A menstrual cup is a soft, flexible container made of medical grade silicone or latex. A woman inserts it into her vagina to collect period flow—instead of a tampon.

A menstrual cup looks a bit like a small, upside-down funnel, although the stem is not hollow and the body of the cup is more rounded than a funnel.

Image of dozens of random menstrual cups laying on grass, with many different brands included.

There are a number of different brands of menstrual cups. Most are made of medical grade silicone, with each having a slightly different length, softness, rim, stem and color.

Once it’s in place, a menstrual cup forms a seal that allows it to collect period flow as it drips from the cervix. Unlike a tampon, which absorbs the healthy secretions of the vagina in addition to period flow, a menstrual cup collects only period flow. As a result, it won’t dry out a woman’s vagina.

A lot of women who have become devoted users say they originally thought that using menstrual cup would be gross or disgusting. But they experienced so many advantages in using menstrual cups that they wouldn’t think of going back to pads or tampons.


You can be pretty sloppy with a penis, a guy will just be happy you’re playing with it.

But when it’s a clitoris, take to heart what Nina Hartley says, “With women, millimeters mean everything.”

Feedback, feedback, feedback.

Image by Hellish B0y.

Some more than others… This image is by graphic designer and photographer Keano Anton. 

You don’t want to be shooting blanks if you can avoid it.

But it happens more often than you might think—male infertility that’s caused by an injury to the testicles while playing sports. It doesn’t matter if you are on a professional team or playing a weekend game of grabass.

Companies like Shock Doctor and Spider make cool cups. And there’s an added benefit—wearing a cup makes you look like you’re really well hung.

More nice on our NICE page.

This is the way cool Manga dudes jerk off!

For comparison, the average bull weighs between 1,000 and 2,000 lbs. He ejaculates between 4 ml and 8 ml, which is not much more than human males. So you can’t assume that the bigger the beast, the bigger the load—especially if you do a per-pound of body weight comparison.

How do you like these cool foreskin pics?

I get questions from women in circumcision-happy countries about penises that are cut vs. uncut. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words…

For a great resource on foreskins and uncut penises, check out NOCIRC.ORG.

I created this image from a post made by Naughty at Heart of his penis via Glittering Kisses. A big thanks to both.

A Tipped Uterus Can Make Rear Entry Uncomfortable

Don’t assume that because your last partner loved rear entry, your next one will. Some positions will feel more comfortable for a woman depending on whether her uterus is in the usual position or “tipped.”

The uterus usually points forward. But up to 30% of women have a uterus that’s tipped, which means it can point more upwards than toward her belly, or it can even point toward her back. This is why some women with a tipped uterus experience period pain more as a back ache than as discomfort in their abdomen.

Having a tipped uterus usually isn’t a reason for concern. Most women go their entire lives unaware they have a tipped uterus–although having a tipped uterus can impact a woman’s choice of intercourse positions.

It’s not unusual for a woman with a tipped uterus to prefer positions where she is face to face with her partner. Rear entry or doggie style positions can feel painful. So the missionary position might be her favorite, or she might enjoy a woman-on-top position where she’s facing forward as opposed to a reverse cowgirl.

Women sometimes wonder if they are going to get a dose of male hormones if they swallow during a blow job. Zero. You get zero testosterone from swallowing semen.

Yes, the testicles produce the lion’s share of testosterone, but this goes directly into a man’s bloodstream and not into his semen. So you don’t need to worry about  sprouting a beard or growing a big Adam’s apple if you swallow. And the only way you will gain weight from male ejaculate is if it makes you pregnant.

I Photoshopped a pic of a guy’s face while he’s shaving on a close-up of a woman’s face. The angle of the shots are pretty close, but I couldn’t get his lips small enough to look like they are hers. 

Most men and plenty of women would assume that a woman who masturbates after sex is not satisfied. It’s not always that way.

Some women masturbate more often when they are in a satisfying sexual relationship than when they’re not in a relationship.

Water washes away natural lubrication and can make sex feel dry. This includes sex in hot tubs, pools, bath tubs, rivers, lakes, the ocean and even the shower.

So contrary to what you would think, sex in water often requires adding sex lube.

The best lubes for sex in water are silicone-based. Silicone-based lubes don’t wash away. Put the lube on a penis or dab some in a vagina before you get into the water.

Warning: Silicone-based lubes can make shower floors slick as ice. To help prevent dangerous slips, apply it before you get into the shower.

Seats with cutouts make it worse, not better!

A young woman recently contacted me about the erection problems her new boyfriend was having. He’s only 23. She said he’s able to get an erection, but it starts to quickly go down, and not because he’s ejaculated.

I asked her if he spent much time on a bicycle. She was surprised at my question, because he’s an avid bike rider who spends at least 3 or 4 hours a week on his bike, and longer when he’s able.

Urologists have warned about the erection problems they are seeing in young men who are competitive bike riders. These men can usually get erections, but they have trouble keeping them.

Their clinical observations have been so compelling that researchers hooked up oxygen monitors to men’s penises and had them ride on bicycles. Their findings confirmed the suspicions of the urologists—very little oxygen was getting into the penises of men on bicycle seats. This, combined with damage the saddle causes to the main nerve that supplies the penis, and you have a roadmap for sexual problems. Unfortunately, much of the bike riding community has been trying to laugh away and deny these findings. (more…)

Dear Paul,

Why does my BF’s semen burn when it gets in my eyes?


Dear Iris,

In a word: Spermine. Spermine is a chemical that’s in semen. It is made by the prostate gland. It’s what gives semen its characteristic bleachy smell.

Pure spermine carries harsh warnings. The material safety data sheet for commercially produced spermine says:

Danger! Corrosive. Causes eye and skin burns. May cause severe respiratory-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause severe digestive-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause central- nervous-system effects. May cause cardiac disturbances. Causes eye burns. May cause chemical conjunctivitis and corneal damage. Causes skin burns.

While the concentration of spermine in semen isn’t nearly as high as when you purchase the raw chemical, it’s high enough to make your eyes sting.

Also, semen can be a bit alkaline, which could possibly cause eyeball irritation. There could be other things in semen that might cause your eyeballs to burn, but the main culprit would be spermine.

Have a happy weekend!

Few men understand how painful sex can be for some women. This isn’t pain from sex that’s rushed or rough. Instead, think of when a Q-tip is pressed against a woman’s genitals and it causes her to flinch in pain. Or when intercourse with a gentle lover creates an intense burning sensation in her vagina or makes her feel like she’s being stabbed with a knife. Or when the muscles around the opening of her vagina are clamped so tight she can’t insert a tampon.

Fortunately, for plenty of women with sexual pain, it’s not this severe. But it still makes sex something they endure rather than enjoy.

Many of us assume there are two times in life when sex hurts for women: their first time and after menopause. We don’t realize that more than 20% of women in their teens, twenties, thirties and beyond can experience pain during sex, and not just once or twice. Chronic sexual pain that can last for months or years. (more…)

Feeling Testy? Try Having a Bite To Eat First

People who are hungry tend to be crankier, or more disposed to speaking with “that tone” which they think is perfectly reasonable but somehow manages to piss off everyone around them.

So if you feel a fight is coming on, or you need to do something together that neither of you wants to do such as cleaning out the garage, organizing the closet-from-hell, or doing your taxes, try having a snack first, and not something sugary that will just cause your glucose to spike and crash.

But not even the most nutritious of snacks is going to prevent a partner from going nuclear when he or she discovers the latest pics you’ve been exchanging with your ex.

Wonder how you or your partner stack up?

Based on studies of 15,521 penises, the average length of an erect penis is about 5.25 to 5.5 inches. This means a penis that is 7 inches when erect is in the upper 97th percentile (out of 100 men, it would be among the longest 3 to 5). The average circumference is 4.5 inches.

Most guys who are in porn or who upload videos of themselves to sites like XHamster have the largest 1% to 5% of all penises both in length and circumference.

As for the age-old question of “briefs, boxers, or boxer briefs?” no one knows if men have a preference for one or the other based on penis size.

For the latest and greatest penis-size study from the British Journal of Urology, click here.


Some of the most important residents inside a woman’s vagina are bacteria called Lactobacilli. They clasp onto the walls of the vagina to prevent harmful bacteria from attaching.

Lactobacilli also produce hydrogen peroxide and lactic acid that kill undesirable bacteria and help maintain the acidic environment that’s important for healthy functioning.

Since lactobacilli are found in yogurt, some women assume that eating yogurt or plastering it between their legs will help with vaginal infections. Unfortunately, the lactobacilli in the yogurt we eat is very specific to cow intestines. It’s not the kind of lactobacilli the vagina needs. So while yogurt might be good for a woman’s calcium intake and maybe her digestion, it is unlikely to help with problems in her vagina.

Researchers are hoping to find microorganisms (aka “probiotics”) for conditions like bacterial vaginosis. This would provide a much more elegant solution than we currently have for treatment.

Guys Describe the Difference Between Morning Wood and Their “Hot for You” Erections

Men’s early morning erections can be confusing for female partners, because most women assume that erections are the result of sexual arousal. Not always…

Men get erections throughout the night when they enter REM sleep. When a guy wakes up in the morning, he is often waking from REM or dream sleep. This is why he has an erection–it doesn’t matter if he’s dreaming about being chased by wolves or about having sex with the love of his life.

REM erections are triggered by a different part of the brain than the erections a man has when he is awake and feeling aroused. As a result, they often feel different than daytime erections.

Here’s how men on our sex survey describe the difference between their early-morning (waking) erections and the erections they get when they are sexually aroused, and as you’ll see, there’s a lot of variation:

“Morning erections almost never feel sexy. More like ‘in the way’. Even if I have sex in the morning with a pre-existing erection, I still need to get some emotion into it.”

“Oddly enough, my morning erections are WAY harder and more persistent than my arousal erections. I have no idea why, but it basically always results in me giving in and beating the devil out of it or having sex if my partner is so gracious and willing in the morning.”

“Morning wood is different ’cause when I’m aroused I wanna ejaculate.”

“Morning erections are different—more of a nuisance. Unwanted morning boners are almost a buzzkill since you know they are not leading to anything.”

“Real arousal will always result in a much harder erection than the ones I have when I wake.”

“Different. Morning wood feels much more intense than regular arousal, and my penis is much more sensitive as well.”

“Arousal erections feel like total erections; they are much more firm than morning erections.”

“Erections when aroused seem to be the source of an indescribable feeling that causes me to act. I can almost feel arousal in my gut (if that makes sense). Morning wood doesn’t have that. Morning erections aren’t typically accompanied by a sense of drive.”

“Different. Morning erections are slightly uncomfortable and I am usually not aroused initially. An erection when I am aroused is only uncomfortable because I feel like I need relief, but in a good way.”

“Morning erections are a lot harder. I think too much when I’m flirting or getting aroused so erections that come when I’m turned on are not crazy hard.”

“The erections I get from feeling aroused are stronger and firmer, sometimes even slightly painful, while a morning erection can sometimes go unnoticed at first. Morning erections are rarely sexual for me, and it is not often that I feel compelled to do something about them.”

“My morning erections are sometimes harder to the point of pain, and are a lot less sensitive.”

“In the morning they tend to be softer and more relaxed but very sensitive.” (more…)

Sex in real life is different from sex in porn in so many ways… It’s not nearly as extreme or frantic and it’s usually way more intimate. Yet porn is the way many of us learn about sex.

Image via Bratty-Kitty.tumblr.com.

Delayed Ejaculation is when a guy can get a rock-hard erection and have intercourse for a really long time, but can’t ejaculate or he struggles to ejaculate. It doesn’t matter if he’s having oral, vaginal, or anal sex, or if his partner is giving him a handjob — either he can’t ejaculate or it can take him close to forever to come. Or maybe he can come by masturbating in a certain way, but not with a partner. The problem is not in getting an erection and keeping an erection; rather it’s with having an orgasm and ejaculation.

For a free copy of the chapter “Delayed Ejaculation” from the Guide To Getting It On, click here: Delayed Ejaculation from Guide To Getting It On

« Older posts

© 2015 2014 by Paul Joannides, Psy.D.

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑